If you had told me a year ago that I’d be here—navigating a separation, searching for a house, learning digital marketing, and figuring out how to be a fully independent adult for the first time—I probably would’ve laughed. Or cried. Probably both.
Up until now, my entire identity revolved around being Mom, Wife, Keeper of Small Humans While Slowly Losing Myself. And for the longest time, that felt like all I would ever be. I was stuck in an endless loop of routine, questioning if my only purpose in life was to be a wife and mother. It was suffocating—like my story had already been written for me, and I had no say in the plot.
For seven years, my world was diapers, snack plates, and cleaning the same mess 27 times a day. Showering felt optional—who was I even getting dressed for? My two-year-old, who assumed my messy bun was just my natural state?
But things changed. Slowly at first. Then all at once.
One of the hardest things I’ve ever done was ask for a separation when I had no real independence. I was met with, “What would you do without me? Go back to your mom’s?” That question forced me to confront a harsh reality—was I really so powerless? I had spent years taking care of our home and kids, yet I was still made to feel like I wasn’t doing enough. We had agreed I’d stay home, but the cost wasn’t just financial. It was my time, my growth, my sense of self.
A small victory? Enrolling in a digital marketing course. I’ve been passing every test, nailing every assignment, proving to myself that I can do this. That I’m capable of more than just surviving.
The Moment Everything Shifted
I started working. I started going to church. I started realizing I had opinions and boundaries (wild concept, right?). And once I set those boundaries, I saw how often they were crossed. That’s when it hit me—I had to stand up for myself, for my future, for my kids.
So here I am, on the edge of a brand-new life, completely terrified but also… hopeful?
I won’t lie; the transition from stay-at-home mom to independent adult is overwhelming. My daughter starts school this year, and I have NO IDEA what I’m doing. My bank account is looking at me like, “Girl, what’s the plan?” And the idea of house-hunting while technically having no income? Well, let’s just say my stress is at Final Boss Level Anxiety.
And on top of all that, I’m still in the beginning stages of figuring out how to manage everything on my own. My husband is literally moving out this week. Bills and accounts are starting to switch over to my name. Every day, I’m facing decisions I never had to make before. And the hardest part? Trying to explain to a 5- and 7-year-old that everything will be okay when they don’t yet understand that “Daddy’s new place” means their world is about to change in ways they can’t quite grasp.
The Reality of Starting Over
Some days, I feel completely lost. Being a stay-at-home mom for so long meant that my world was tiny—our house, my kids, the never-ending cycle of cooking, cleaning, and bedtime routines. My identity was wrapped up in caring for everyone else, and now? Now I’m stepping into the unknown. And let me tell you—some days, it feels exhilarating. Other days, it feels like I’m free-falling with no safety net.
Financial independence? Don’t have it yet. A solid career? Working on it. A clear roadmap for the future? HA. I’m basically building the plane while flying it. But what I do have is the determination to figure it out. I spent too many years surviving instead of living, and I want more. More than just scraping by, more than just playing small because it felt safe. I want to show my kids what it looks like to chase something bigger, to create a life instead of just managing one.Some nights, I lie awake wondering if I’m making the right choices. If I’ll ever feel secure again. If I’ll find a path that’s mine, not one carved out by someone else. But I know this—I refuse to stay stuck. I may not know exactly where I’m going yet, but I know it’s somewhere better. Somewhere that finally feels like me.